news: Pete learns to report a contract killing

gogobee's Mischief Makers ships four new event types — a hit going out, the
target walking away from it, the target not walking away, and the monster
turning up to an empty dungeon. Pete 400s an unknown event_type, gogobee retries
and then parks the bulletin forever, so this deploys first.

The anonymity is the story, not an implementation detail. A contract is
anonymous unless the buyer paid extra to sign it, so the lede reports the money
and pointedly not the name Pete doesn't have. A survival unseals the buyer
whether or not they signed — that exposure is the only brake on casual griefing,
and it's the one beat worth leading with. Being maimed buys you nothing: an
anonymous buyer stays anonymous when the contract lands.

internal/web/adventure.go

@@ -194,6 +194,14 @@ func advEventMeta(eventType string) (label, emoji string) {
 		return "Pulled out", "🎒"
 	case "departure":
 		return "Wandered off", "🚪"
+	case "mischief_contract":
+		return "Coin on their head", "😈"
+	case "mischief_survived":
+		return "They walked away", "🛡️"
+	case "mischief_downed":
+		return "The contract landed", "💀"
+	case "mischief_fizzled":
+		return "Nobody home", "🚪"
 	}
 	return "Dispatch", "📣"
 }
@@ -401,6 +409,37 @@ func renderAdventure(f AdvFact) (headline, lede string, ok bool) {
 		// the joke tells itself, and the player it's about may well be reading.
 		return fmt.Sprintf("%s got bored and left without waiting.", f.Subject),
 			fmt.Sprintf("No orders, no escort, no fuss — %s packed the cheapest kit on the shelf and set off into %s%s. Nobody told them to. Nobody talked them out of it either. We'll let you know how it goes.", f.Subject, f.Zone, atLevel), true
+	case "mischief_contract":
+		// Somebody paid to have a monster sent after an adventurer who is out in a
+		// dungeon right now. Anonymous unless the buyer paid extra to sign it, and
+		// the anonymity is the story: Pete reports the money, not the name he
+		// doesn't have. Opponent carries the buyer only when it's public.
+		if f.Opponent != "" {
+			return fmt.Sprintf("%s has put %s on %s's head.", f.Opponent, f.Stakes, f.Subject),
+				fmt.Sprintf("No secret about it — %s paid for a %s to go find %s out in whatever hole they're currently down, and signed the thing. It's out there looking right now. If %s comes back breathing, they keep a cut of that money.",
+					f.Opponent, strings.ToLower(f.Boss), f.Subject, f.Subject), true
+		}
+		return fmt.Sprintf("Someone's put %s on %s's head.", f.Stakes, f.Subject),
+			fmt.Sprintf("Word came in quiet: %s has been paid for a %s to go looking for %s, and whoever paid it isn't saying so. It's already out there. Survive it and the money's theirs — and we all find out who signed the cheque.",
+				f.Stakes, strings.ToLower(f.Boss), f.Subject), true
+	case "mischief_survived":
+		// The unseal. A survival is the only thing that names an anonymous buyer,
+		// and it is the whole brake on casual griefing — so Pete leads with it.
+		return fmt.Sprintf("%s walked away from it. It was %s who paid.", f.Subject, f.Opponent),
+			fmt.Sprintf("%s came for %s, and %s is the one still standing — %s richer for the trouble. The contract's been opened up, and the name inside it is %s. Make of that what you will, folks.",
+				f.Boss, f.Subject, f.Subject, f.Stakes, f.Opponent), true
+	case "mischief_downed":
+		who := "Nobody's saying who paid for it"
+		if f.Opponent != "" {
+			who = fmt.Sprintf("%s paid for it, and put their name on it", f.Opponent)
+		}
+		return fmt.Sprintf("%s didn't walk away.", f.Subject),
+			fmt.Sprintf("A %s found %s mid-run%s and put them on the floor. They're being carried home — alive, which is more than the contract asked for, but that expedition's finished. %s.",
+				f.Boss, f.Subject, atLevel, who), true
+	case "mischief_fizzled":
+		return fmt.Sprintf("The monster sent for %s arrived to an empty dungeon.", f.Subject),
+			fmt.Sprintf("Somebody spent good money to have %s ambushed, and %s had already gone home. It wandered the halls for a bit and left. Most of the fee's been refunded. The rest, the town's keeping.",
+				f.Subject, f.Subject), true
 	case "arrival":
 		return fmt.Sprintf("Welcome to the realm, %s!", f.Subject),
 			fmt.Sprintf("A new %s just walked through the gates. Say hello if you see them out there.", f.ClassRace), true

internal/web/adventure_test.go

@@ -311,3 +311,61 @@ func TestAdventureDisabled(t *testing.T) {
 		t.Errorf("disabled: status = %d, want 404", rw.Code)
 	}
 }
+
+// TestRenderMischief: gogobee's four mischief event types must all render. An
+// unknown event_type is a 400 at ingest, which gogobee retries and then parks
+// forever — so "Pete deploys first" only helps if Pete actually knows the types.
+//
+// It also pins the anonymity contract, which is the feature's whole social
+// engine: an unsigned contract must not name the buyer, and a survival must.
+func TestRenderMischief(t *testing.T) {
+	anon := AdvFact{EventType: "mischief_contract", Tier: "priority",
+		Subject: "Josie", Boss: "Elite", Stakes: "€350", Level: 14}
+	hl, lede, ok := renderAdventure(anon)
+	if !ok {
+		t.Fatal("mischief_contract did not render — ingest would 400")
+	}
+	if strings.Contains(hl+lede, "Brannigan") {
+		t.Error("anonymous contract leaked a buyer name")
+	}
+	if !strings.Contains(hl, "€350") {
+		t.Errorf("contract headline lost the stakes: %q", hl)
+	}
+
+	signed := anon
+	signed.Opponent = "Brannigan"
+	hl, _, ok = renderAdventure(signed)
+	if !ok || !strings.Contains(hl, "Brannigan") {
+		t.Errorf("signed contract should name the buyer: %q (ok=%v)", hl, ok)
+	}
+
+	// The unseal: a survival names the buyer whether or not they signed.
+	survived := AdvFact{EventType: "mischief_survived", Tier: "priority",
+		Subject: "Josie", Opponent: "Brannigan", Boss: "Bone Colossus", Stakes: "€228"}
+	hl, _, ok = renderAdventure(survived)
+	if !ok || !strings.Contains(hl, "Brannigan") {
+		t.Errorf("survival must unseal the buyer: %q (ok=%v)", hl, ok)
+	}
+
+	// A downed target with an anonymous buyer stays anonymous — being maimed
+	// doesn't buy you the name.
+	downed := AdvFact{EventType: "mischief_downed", Tier: "priority",
+		Subject: "Josie", Boss: "Bone Colossus", Level: 14}
+	hl, lede, ok = renderAdventure(downed)
+	if !ok {
+		t.Fatal("mischief_downed did not render")
+	}
+	if strings.Contains(hl+lede, "Brannigan") {
+		t.Error("anonymous buyer named on a downed contract")
+	}
+
+	if _, _, ok := renderAdventure(AdvFact{EventType: "mischief_fizzled", Subject: "Josie", Stakes: "€315"}); !ok {
+		t.Error("mischief_fizzled did not render")
+	}
+
+	for _, et := range []string{"mischief_contract", "mischief_survived", "mischief_downed", "mischief_fizzled"} {
+		if lbl, _ := advEventMeta(et); lbl == "Dispatch" {
+			t.Errorf("%s has no permalink label", et)
+		}
+	}
+}